LADYS DIARY

Before you read my diary I’d like to tell you just a little bit about me. I'm a big black Lab., not really that big I was the runt of the liter. I guess for a Lab I'm small, but I think I'm pretty big. I have a few talents that other dogs don’t have, I can write, I don’t know of another dog that can do that. As a matter of fact I’m a poet as well as an author and for a dog I have a very good memory. I can take you all the way back to the day I was born.
My brothers and sisters were from the highest pedigree line of pure bred animals and they were raised to be show dogs. However I didn’t fit in because I was a runt so the breeders had to get rid of me. Now if they’d of known that I was going to be a famous writer I think they would have given that one a second thought. But then how could they know, they’re just humans.
Most the humans I know that write diaries fill them full of secrets but you won’t find any secrets in my diary because, as a dog I don’t have any secrets and I don’t have anything to hide.
This is my first diary, if you like it, buy it, you’ll find in any book store where humans write about animals. That’s because they didn’t know where else to put my books. Here goes...
April 15, 1985 – This is the date I was taken away from my parents. The breeders were taking me to be euthanized when a neighbor told them they knew a man who would take a puppy. His name is Cash Neve and he lives in that house across the street.
The breeders decided to give it a try. You don't know how happy this made me. My heart was thumping and my tail was wagging as they knocked on this man’s front door. My world came to an end when Cash told them that he didn't want me, the loss of his old dog Brock was too hard to take and he didn’t want to get that close to another living thing.
They said; "That’s OK we have an appointment to have her put away." Cashes reply was…"You can't do that I'll find her a home."
Oh thank God, I had found my home. I would make Cash love me so much that he'd never give me away. I’ll do my best to become his best friend and constant companion.
April 16, 1985 - My new home was really nice and cozy. Cash gave me run of the whole house and it was lots of fun exploring the closets and under the beds, I'd find the neatest things to chew on or take outside and bury.
April 17, 1985 – Wolf; I found a real nice boot today it was in the hall closet under a cardboard cover, I assumed that Cash had left it there for me to play with while he was away so I chewed on it the biggest part of the day.
Wow, they say that only dogs get mad and people get angry. Not true! Cash really totaled out. Gosh, I never heard so many new words and he ranted and raved for days.
He said all his life he'd wanted Tony Lamas so he finally bought a pair and now he only had the left one to wear. He was so angry that I thought he would never get glad. I knew I had done wrong and I really was sad, but Cash finally got over it and then I was glad.
April 18, 1985 - I heard Cash say many times that no dog would ever measure up to his Brock, so it was my greatest desire to prove him wrong. I wanted to be the best I could be, so my master would really love me.
April 19, 1985 - I was just thinking about the time when I pooped under the living room table and Cash scolded me and put me outside for the longest time. Then there was another time when I pooped in a shoe, ha...ha...ha...This I have to tell you about, it's really a funny.
There was this salesman Cash new that was really obnoxious, when he visited us he would take off his shoes and put them alongside the couch and they would stink up the whole house. Well I had to go really bad and there were these shoes that smelled just like shit so I plopped a good one right into one of them.
Wait a minute, don’t go, I'm not through yet! I'm just getting to the best part. The guy got ready to leave and put on his shoes and you should have seen the expression on his face as the poop oozed out around the top of his shoe.
Cash laughed so hard that he rolled on the floor and that guy never came back to our house any more.
May 5, 1985 - When I was little I was always doing things that would upset Cash, not on purpose I want you to know, and I think it was just the puppy in me. Another thing I want you to know is that when I did bad things Cash never hit me but boy could he give a French Blessing and sometimes they'd last for days.
March 6, 1986 - It has been almost a year and I have finally grown out of my mischievous ways and we both managed to survive. I love my master Cash, more and more each passing day. I really want him to be proud of me and love me in the same way. I’ll try real hard to learn to do all the things that will please him and make him happy.
May 10, 1986 – I have a neat new friend, Jack our mailman, he has been training me to take in the mail, he’s worked with me for weeks, now I think I’ve got it just right. Jack hands me the mail and I deliver it right to Cashes favorite chair. Soon I’ll start doing the same thing with the newspaper. My reward is always a gentle pat on the head and the simple phrase, "Good Girl."
May 11, 1986 - Sometimes Cash will talk to me like I’m human and can understand all that he is saying. I have learnt to nod or shake my head when he is talking to me, an even though I can't understand every word, he thinks I can. Usually by his actions or his expressions I know just what he wants…
May 12, 1986 - You know, it is pretty obvious that Cash likes us four legged creatures better than he does you two legged ones because he always treats us so much better. I never saw him hit an animal but I seen him beat up many a human. Cash has a real bad temper but he never lost it on me or any of my kind.