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Friday, February 1, 2013


Reflections of a giant Willow Tree

In my back yard a beautiful sight to see.

At the foot of the tree was a pine bench.

And all around it a white picket fence

On summer nights under her outstretched arms.

Two lovers would sit embraced in loving arms.

So we named her the Enchanting Willow Tree.

Many romances were kindled under that tree.

Unfortunately my willow tree is now history.

No longer standing tall and proud for all to see.

You see unlike yours she was destined to die.

Cut down by a disgruntled renter and that's no lie.

There is a moral in this poetry you see

If you are mad at the landlord

don't take it out on the tree

I went to lunch today
To have Chinese gourmet
Were no reflections in my tea.
My fate was in my fortune cookie.
I order sweet and sour pork.
Used chopsticks and not a fork.
I flipped chow mien across the room
It would have been best to use a spoon.
Next time I'll lunch at China Lee
And try not to make a fool of me.

Thursday, January 31, 2013


Hey, I'm looking back to see if you are looking back to see what I am looking back to see. You are looking at Big Daddy in person. Isn't he a handsome devil? Just kidding! I wanted you to meet me, so that you could see that I'm just ordinary. Really, I'm 76 and full of tricks. My desires are much the same as yours, I don't want to be rich, just noticed. I found out late in life (but it's never to late) that you can be anything, do anything, and have everything. The only requirement is that you have to be willing to try. I've reached my goal when I can help others to reach theirs, what ever it my be (There are no limits). Presently, I am happy, successful, and free and I want to write a literary masterpiece that will last through life and eternity.
Pen Name: Big Daddy Cash

What you will find in my written material has not been edited to correct grammatical, functional and occasional spelling mistakes. I label my magical content My Way because that is exactly what it is; My Way. My signature, personality, thoughts and ideas, are presented in the only way I know and I refuse to change it because it comes from my heart not from an English book, dictionary or thesaurus. It’s hard for me to let a publisher edit my books because they all want to do them their way and I readily admit that their way may be right but my way is me and that is the way I want it to be. What I have written in my books I have written just for YOU my reader, so please don’t judge me by my use or misuse of grammar and words, judge my books by the intent and the content. I have two great passions that I like to portray with my written word, Happiness and the Rewards Life has to offer. Therefore read what I have written Your Way but keep in mind it is written My Way.

You have heard me talk about the writer in me well there is also a reader and a critic in me. The reader/critic is one person and the writer is another both having different personalities. I’m what is called a student of the hard knocks university. I write poems and short stories and I do them my way. The division between the two personalities causes emotional adversity, what can one say to the other or what can they do or not do? Thank God the workings of the inner mind can work out the differences. In the outer world the division can be hostile, the critic rejoices in the death of a writer and likes nothing better than scattering the writer’s bones. Well that’s one of the reasons they call me the maverick of poetic endeavors

Remember me when you write your amazing poetry, I’m the one who lives for its beauty and chemistry. There is a light shining down through the darkest sky. The beacon sent to guide me to that garden on high.
Remember me when the warmest breeze kisses your ear, With your words of mercy and your kind words that cheer. For where the bird flies and the bell tolls my shadow lies. It will fall upon you and you’ll see me through divine eyes.
Remember me I’m the mystery that dwells in your heart, The compelling thoughts and fertile seed of thy poetic art. For when the robin sings and the little white cloud cries, The music and the teardrops capture the hope it implies.
Remember me I’m the cool water that refreshes your soul, The moisture of baptismal waters giving youth to behold. For convictions are subtle in the whirlpool of tranquility. Letting peace and happiness enter the world of reality.
Remember me I’m the foundation of all of humanity, The body and soul of human nature existing in vanity. For my heart joins the very fibers of true existence. Letting you bask in the glory of your own persistence.

Monday, January 28, 2013



Proud she stood upon the sands
Her poetic thoughts of distant lands.
She must pick her words with care.
Bitter her inner thoughts of dispair.

Cascading tears of bittersweet memories
Tormented from the depth of her anxieties.
Black anquish the depressed agonies of her defeat.
She stands upon the sands shedding tears of relief'

Her emotions wrapped up in the tapestry of misery.
Her darkest dreams are the witches of her mystery.
Casting shadows across the raging seas
It's only empathy that she sees.


Beautiful dreamer invade my slumbering night
Creations of beauty enhancing my mind sight
Lovers of many years past envisioned in my memory
Broken hearts restored in the mind set of clemency

Moments of loveliness compete with adversity
Tracing the illusion of peace and tranquility,
Doves fly in harmony with Scavengers of the night.
Beautiful dreams in harmony with purest delight.

Beautiful dreamer envision life in blue rhapsodies
On the beaches where sand castles are a daily activities
Dreaming each moment of everlasting proclivity
Steadfastness defaulting any memories of Hostility.

Beautiful dreams keeping me from losing my sanity,
In a world of confusion, delusion and catastrophe.
Beautiful dreamer keep all my tears and fears at bay.
And when I awake tomorrow it will be a better day.


**K I N G**

This is a story about a furry four legged friend of mine. He seems to be the leader of all the stray cats in my neighborhood. For years he’s avoided the dog and cat catchers that patrol our streets looking for strays. I call this boy King primarily because he rounds up and watches over all the homeless cats that have chosen to run free. King is a black and white Tom who always looks like he just stepped out of a meat grinder.

I first met king several years ago when I found him half dead along side the road. His front legs were broken, his body was tattered and torn and his left eye was torn right out of its socket. Most any animal in the shape that he was would have wanted to die. King was different and had a strong will to survive. I honestly feel that if I hadn’t nursed him back to health he would have done it on his own.

King won my affection right from the start, this little four legged creature crawled right into my heart. There was a bond between us even though he’d always run free. When ever he needed help he’d always come back to me. I’m the only human that he’ll come to for love and I find it an honor that he excepts and trusts me.

Yes, King is the leader of a whole kingdom of strays. He teaches them to survive in a good many ways. He shows them the best places to dine in his neck of the woods and I know he believes the best place is mine, Cashes Short Order House. Every day he brings new ones and everyday he loses a few but I know they’re all thankful for the things he’s willing to do. King is one of a kind and being a free hobo was his destiny. That’s the way it was, it is and will always be. If animals could write books the King would go down as a giant in their history.

King has his idiocies but that’s part of what makes him stand all alone. He won’t eat from the same dish that the other cats eat from and when the other cats eat he sits not far away to watch and protect them. He won’t let another human being come near or touch him ( except for me). As tough as he is, king craves love and attention and as far as I know I’m the only one he lets give it to him. He loves his ears scratched and his belly tickled and when I do this he purrs like a baby kitten.

King has good reason not to trust us two legged creatures. Because of his rough, tough, and dirty appearance the kids throw sticks and stones at him and sometimes squirt him with the hose. It’s no wonder he's always leery and afraid to make friends with them. Some of my lovely neighbors would set traps for cats or put out food that was poisoned or had ground glass in it. I sometimes find it hard to care for some of these two legged creatures it’s hard enough just to tolerate them.

Since the first time that I patched King up he knows where to come when he needs fixen. Besides having one eye he’s lost half of one ear and his right front leg is only a stub, but he’s still the most beautiful cat that I know.

Regardless of the shape that he’s in if he could speak he’d tell you he was the doing just fine for the shape he was in. He carries is wounds like metals of honor and always holds his head high. What a guy!

It isn’t unusual for king to disappear for a day or two or even a week or two. Even though I worry, somehow I know he’ll come back and he always does. This time he’s been gone for several weeks but I haven’t given up hope someday soon I’ll find him or hear him scratching at my back door. Then I’ll scratch his ears and his belly and listen to the music of his kitten like purr r r r r r................!

That’s all I have to say about my four legged stray. Except I know he'll be back someday.


Being a land lord can make anyone turn old and gray. I've been a landlord for just a few years and I think I've aged twenty-five years or more. I've got to be God, the Judge and the jury; I've got to be the father, grandfather, the bishop the pastor and the priest. I've got bottoms to wipe, teardrops to blot, fights to referee, the whole life of a landlord is a menagerie. When the lives of all my renters have been mended my days not through, it's just begun. Now I have the holes in the walls to repair, doors to fix, toilets, phones, and TV's too. Hold on that's not it yet, I still have the lawns to mow, trees to prune, fences to repair and last but not least weeds to pull. Now after all this I'm dam lucky if I can collect the rent.

When you own your own building, excuse me, when the building owns you. . .you've got to be all things, . . at all times. . .to all of your renters.

It's a sin for you to get sick or be tired and if you run out of steam you can't be fired. Being a landlord is really a bitch. Don't get me wrong it has it's rewards it's just that I haven't had time to find out what they are.

All I know is that when things go wrong they all say go see the landlord he lives in the basement. Why is it when I have a problem I have to go see me?

I've got to love them, understand them, reprimand them, and command them. I'll do all of these things if you call me in my apartment downstairs. You see, I'm the master of my domain and being a master means I do all the work. Go see the master he'll know what to do the tenants are fighting in forty two twenty two. Hey landlord the drains are backing up in forty two sixteen. My husband came home drunk and beat me up in forty two eighteen. There's a fire in the kitchen in forty two twenty...Hey, that's where I live, I even have my own problems to fix.

When I first started land lording in the year nineteen ninety nine I thought this will be great most the rent I collect will be mine. If I buy only fourplexes I can live in one free and I'll make all my tenants part of my family. "WOW". . Was I ever mistaken! What I bought was hard work, disappointment and misery and a tenant family that would redirect my destiny.

I can tell you stories that you wouldn't believe about being the owner and manager of rental property. There are times when your tenants are out of work and you have to create jobs so they can survive. Then there's the time when you get woke up at two, police cars all over the place, your renter's son has just robbed the corner convenient store. You get a call early in the morning from your tenant next door telling you that her baby is do and nobody in her house knows what to do. Then there are the calls you get from your neighbors telling you that your renters are partying too late and to loud. Oh, there's the call that comes from Tim Buck Two my cars broken down and I need you. I can go on and on it never ends whether I take it with a grain or lose my mind that depends.

Go see the landlord he lives in the basement right down the stairs. He's the nicest landlord and he'll fix anything because he really cares.

Now let me tell you about the Bimbo's you inherit when you buy property. I had a couple that was really misfits to our society. There was the Don Dean situation that really was a joke. He was my first eviction and you can believe me it was far from being sweet. I asked this man to get out and you could really feel the heat. He said he'd stay for as long as he pleased and there was nothing I could do. The law protects the renter and the landlord can go to hell. So I had the board of health close down his unit and I moved his shit out in the street. He swore that he'd make my life miserable and that I'd be sorry we ever met. That was three years ago and the man is still a threat.

The next one was a lady and I won't mention her name but she was a real conniver and knew how to play the game. She had lived in her unit for the past six months free and figured she could get another six by pulling the con on me. I told her right up front she had to bring her rent up to date and if she refused she'd have to vacate. She just laughed at me and as I walked out the door, and I heard her say, "Old man, I'll live here as long as I want, you can't get rid of me just try and you'll see." That night she had a party, I guess to celebrate her victory. I had her place raided at three o'clock that morning and now she's got a new home and I guess you could say it's rent free.

Now there's a moral to this story and if you want to find out more, the landlord lives in the basement so just knock on his door.

What's the fools' name? Why it's Big Daddy Cash!



This story is every word the truth. I never in my wildest imagination expected anything so wonderful to happen to me. Pingsi really loved me as I loved her. She gave me the best of times while they lasted and it was the hardest thing I've ever done to set her free. I met her on July 17 and put her on a "727" August 18. Our love affair was very short but she gave me more in that short time then anyone ever has in my entire life time.

I'm going to tell you a real love story about an outstanding lady that recently came into my life. This lovely lady was much more the just a falling star she was a blast of stars from the whole galaxy. Her outstanding beauty and affectionate personality completely captured my heart and soul and left me in a dizzy blissfamy (The prison of love).. What can I say? I'm still stunned by the splendor of her individuality. All I can say is she brought out the little boy, young man, Lover and Saint in me.

One month ago almost to the day I walked into Zion's Bank to talk to somebody about refinancing. The lines were long so I had quite a wait. While waiting in line I couldn't help noticing a new girl behind one of the desks. My God she was enchanting. I couldn't help staring at her, she had me mesmerized, every once in a while she'd catch me watching her and I'd have to look away in embarrassment.

I don't know how to describe it but everything about her had me caught in a magic spell, her engaging smiled, her every delightful movement, the musical splendor of her voice and most of all her extraordinary beauty.

When I reached the end of the line she beckoned me over to her desk. She was so completely enchanting that I forgot what I'd come to the bank for. When I opened my mouth nothing would come out and finally after regaining control of my vocal cords I mumbled, I came here specially to see you. She laughed and said my names Pingsing and that broke the ice.

We talked for about 30 minutes and it was for sure I'd made a very special friend. I forgot to mentioned the real reason why I'd come to the bank. That would have to be put off until another day.

When I got home all I could think about was her, I wanted to hold her and hug her and kiss her and love her. There is no doubt about it she had captured my heart hook, line and sinker. I was as excited as a little kid under the tree on Christmas morning.

For the rest of the day her lovely face materialized where ever I looked. She was on my TV, my computer, my doors and my walls and the ceiling. She was everywhere I happen to gaze. I was completely enthralled by her presence.

Finally when I came back to my senses I realized that Pingsing could never be more than a friend, after all I was more then twice her age. The only way I could ever have her would be in my dreams and my fantasies'. But even knowing didn't help because I was burning up with desire. I never felt this way about any other women before and I was married and loved a wonderful woman for 26 years.

That night I couldn't sleep just thinking about her. The more I thought about her the more in love I became. Finally I sat down and put my feelings to rhyme. This is what I wrote and what I felt at the time.

I Call Her Pingsi

I met the fairest maiden . . . In a West Valley town.

She was a gleaming orchid. . .in a Godly woven gown

I know I won't forget her. . .as long as I may live

For she was the fairest flower. . that God could ever give.

Beautiful and lovely. . . and as charming as could be.

I knew I had to have her. . . that she was meant for me.

Her lips were sweet and tender. . and filled my heart with bliss

I knew I had to hold her close. . and I longed for that first kiss.

She was mine for just a moment and she stole my heart away.

Now she's vanished into nowhere. .Left me in dismay.

How can I live with out her. . .She was right for me

The fairest maiden of them all. .Is now just history.

I know I can't forget her . . . And it's plain to see.

That she'll always be in my heart as a lovely fantasy.

As you can plainly see it was love at first sight you should also know that I was completely blinded by my feelings. After living so many years alone, had love made that magical entry into my lonely life.

The bank where Pingsi worked happened to be located in the store where I bought all my groceries. For the next few days I made more trips to that store then I usually make in two or three months. I bought flowers each day and put them on her desk with no note but I know she knew they were from me. Finally out of desperation I asked her out to lunch and was shocked and surprised when she said she'd love to go. That was the beginning of the most beautiful and exciting love affair of my entire life.

Right from the start I was aware of the vast years that separated us in age not in mind. I tried everything to justify our togetherness. I even wrote letters to my closest friends asking for advice and their opinions. I guess I was hoping that they would say it's all right, love conquers all. I wrote the following note to a friend hoping that the reply would be, go for it my friend.

It's not really lust it's love and I won't let it get out of hand but she makes me feel like I'm 30 again. Her name is Pingsing and she's a real sweetheart, beautiful and smart. She's been my friend and companion for about three weeks and I'm really having a ball. I guess the easiest way to describe her is that she is very caring compassionate, real passionate and loving and has a lot to offer that special deserving someone. She's been hurt in the past so I guess it's fair to say that she's come to me on the rebound. Believe me , I'm not foolish enough to actually think that I'm that special deserving someone but I've been here for her and she's been great for me. Hell, I'm 40 years older then she is but right at the present I'm as good a lover as any man her age so is it wrong to want to enjoy it as long as I can. I can give her the best for a while and then let her go. Don't you think that having the best for a while is better then never having had the best at all?

By the way she's an oriental girl and there's no way in the world that I can pronounce her oriental name. That's all I have to say except I care enough to let her go if and when she finds that very special someone.

Pingsi and I did things together that I haven't done in years. Her likes and dislikes were the same as mine. We went bowling, to the movies, to art galleries, horse shows and fairs. We took long walks with my animals and had lunch in the park Everything we did together turned out to be real special. Everything together was heavenly and divine.

Pingsi would do things just to give me happiness and pleasure. I know she was falling in love with me and I definitely had fallen for her.

Most of the people I knew frowned on our affair and called me that dirty old man. I was always writing notes trying to get the approval of my closest friends. Here's another plea from my heart trying to get them to understand.

This lady is something real special. Last night while I was working She did my laundry and cleaned my house up as neat as a pin. This morning when I got home she had breakfast waiting for me (steak and eggs and biscuits smothered in home made gravy.) She stayed at my house last night but she's not living with me.(Not yet anyway). She has a roommate that parties a lot so she likes to come over to my place and watch TV and play with Lady and Charley. She has a sister age 36 who's married to a guy 22 years older than she. She tells me that in her country it's not unusual for women to marry men much older then they are. But damn it, I'm old enough to be her grandfather. As a matter of fact I'm 20 years older then her father. This morning you asked me what was going on with me and my new lady friend well, she's still just a friend but she shows me more affection then any one ever has. Last Sunday we went bowling, to dinner and to a movie, the first time I've done anything like that in years. When I took her home we sat in the car and talked for hours. I even got in a little smooching. No I haven't made love to her yet, but I'm ready when ever she's ready. Ready and willing and willing and willing. When I'm not with her I dream about making mad passionate love to her and taking her all around the world, if you know what I mean.

I sent this message trying to be as macho as I could be, but deep down inside I wanted somebody to agree that it was alright for Pingsi and me. Pingsi is fixing an authentic Chinese dinner for us tonight. A few of my friends will be here and I think we're going to have a gourmet delight.

Pingsi just walked into the room so I've asked her to introduce herself and add a little something nice to my story.

hi , im sitting here with cashman and he asked me to type out a short message. my nickname is pingsing but cashman calls me pingsy. i like it when he calls me pingsy the way he says it is cute. i work at zions bank as a teller and go-fer. the bank is in the smith store where cashman buys his groceries. i'm a native American(born in the USA) but my family comes from Taiwan. they lived in Nanjing and still call it their home. my father owns a furniture company in Taipea, Taiwan's largest city. cashman is the nicest and sweetest person i know. . cashman wanted me to say hello, so hello from me.

If someone loves you,
love them back unconditionally,
not only because they love you,
but because they are teaching you to love
and opening your heart and eyes to things
you would have never seen or felt without them

From the moment I saw her, to the moment I met her, to the moment I dated her, to the moment I made love to her, they were all moments to remember. She was, is, and will always be the best of the best things that ever happened to me. I cherish all of the wonderful attributes that make her what she is and will always be.

I was comfortable with life as it was; I had the love of my friends, the love of my animals, and the love of my God. What more in life could a man want? I thought I had it all. Oh how wrong I was, you see the love of a good women is the best thing in life that there is. I was always the one to give love and I thought that was the way it should be but to be loved and adored by a very special women is the most wonderful feeling that God gave to man. To be loved for no other reason then love is unconditional and that's what I had, and that's what I felt. And the feeling was the most marvelous feeling, in all of the world, the universe and well beyond.

What I had with Pingsi was not just an affair; it was the kind of affair that people have dreamed about since the beginning of time. It fulfilled my ultimate needs and gave me the strength to carry on.

The affair had to end because of the difference in our ages, and I knew that well. Oh how well I knew that! I knew it would be selfish of me to let it continue on. The decision had to be mine and not hers because wisdom comes with age. I also know that her culture respects the wisdom of time.

Mid week in our last week together I told her I was cutting all ties and setting her free. I told her that I knew she loved me and that it was my love for her that directed my decision. It was by no doubt the hardest love that anyone can give to another. I was so relieved that she accepted my wishes but that was the kind of women she was, she is and will always be. That was my Pingsi.

Two nights later she called me and told me she was going back to Taiwan to work in her family's business and she wanted me to grant her one last favor (she called it a wish). She said her plane would depart Monday morning at three and that she wanted to spend her last weekend in the USA with me. How could I say no? The truth is I really don't want her to go but I know that it's something that has to be. I want her to find someone closer to her age, someone to show her true love and be there to map out her destiny. For me...It has to be enough to know that she loves me and that I'll always have a small part of her heart. I know that no matter where she goes and no matter what she does she'll find happiness because that's the way she is. So I promised her a weekend that she could remember for the rest of her life.

Saturday night we spent most the night talking, hugging and kissing. We laughed, we cried, and we shared each others thoughts and emotions. At midnight we danced to our favorite song under the stars, on the lawn, in my back yard. We danced until two in the morning and then laid down under the weeping willow tree cuddled gently but tightly in each other's arms. We slept there until dawn.

Early Sunday morning we went to breakfast at the Hilton. The hotel has two restaurants we dined at Trofi's. The servers had promised me that they'd make our breakfast a real special event and I knew they would because they're all friends of mine. We had a magnificent breakfast and then I gave her a grand tour of the hotel all the way from the parking levels to the roof top. The view from the roof top is much better at nights, with all the city lights, but it's a beautiful view anytime of the day. Afterwards we took a long walk through the downtown city streets and we even visited the temple grounds. When we got back to my place we had banana splits at the picnic table in my back yard, watched an Elvis show on TV and played with the computers the rest of the day. It doesn't sound to exciting but for us it was perfect. In the evening we had a candle lit diner for two each of us sharing in its preparation. We even fixed something special for Charley and Lady our four legged friends. We went to bed early because we had to get up at two to get to the airport by three.

We both had tears in our eyes as we said our goodbyes and she boarded her plane.

I went straight home after seeing her off. Since I work graveyard at the Hilton I usually go to bed about noon and sleep until 6 or 7o'clock. But I got home at 4 o'clock went right to bed and slept all through the day until 8 o'clock that evening.

When I woke up I realized that I hadn't lost Pingsi she'd been with me all day. She was there in my dreams and I dreamed of her the whole day through. She was my fantasy but to me she was as real as real can be. Now I know when I go to bed thinking of her I'm going to be with her.

That evening, before I went to work, I wrote a little jingle that describes how I felt. I wrote several verses but this one says it all;

Only in my dreams can I enjoy the magic of your charms.

Because when I dream you're right there in my arms

Only in my dreams can I enjoy the magic of your kiss

Because when I dream you belong to one and only me

So when I dream, I dream of you the whole night through

I dream of you, of doing all the things you want me to.

You are mine and I am yours but it is just a fantasy.

It's only in my dreams and it's only bliss for me.

Crazy Joe Dingus and a Policeman named Charley McBride

Joe Dingus is a black Lab. that had a very rough and tough time the first few years of his life. Joe was the runt in a family of very fancy show dogs. He was to small and had the wrong bone and head structure to be a show dog. The breeders didn't want to have him put away so they turned him loose in the wilderness to fend for himself. He was about 12 weeks old and the odds were against him but at least he had a fighting chance to survive.

The first part of my story is how little Joe Dingus would tell it, if he could speak to you as I do.

It was cold dark and stormy and I knew I was a long way from home. The sky was growling and dumping water all over me. I was so frightened that I was shaking and crying for my mommy. I couldn't understand why my masters had gone away and left me in this scary place. Had I done something wrong? Was I being punished? I just didn't know.

I wandered for hours looking for something familiar, some way to find my way home. Finally out of exhaustion and fear I fell asleep under a great big tree. When I woke up the sun was shining friendly and brightly from a clear blue sky. It was such a beautiful morning that I forgot for a moment how hungry and lonely I was. For a little while I romped and played in the warm rays of the sun but soon I realized that I was all alone and a long way from home. I longed and craved for my mommy and wanted to cuddle up to her and suckle on her nipples and fill my empty tummy. I searched for miles and miles for my mommy and daddy and something to eat. Finally I laid down in the shade and cried myself to sleep.

When I awoke it was dark and creepy and I could hear all kinds of scary strange things. I could hear water running and it reminded me how thirsty and hungry I was. I followed the sound and soon I found a stream of cold running water. I tasted so good that I drank until my tummy hurt. All of a sudden I heard what sounded like people laughing and shouting close by so I ran as fast as I could to see if my masters had come back for me.

Down the stream I saw a bunch of men around a fire, they were all carrying big sticks and acting real funny. As I run up to greet them a big boom came from one of their sticks and something hit me along side my head, it hurt bad so I turned and run away from them. They chased me for awhile but it was dark and I finally lost them. My head was throbbing and covered with blood but most of all I was as scared as can be. I didn't know why these people were mean to me when all I wanted to do was be friendly.

I was hurt, I was tired and I was awfully hungry but I had lots of water to drink and that helped make up for the lack of food. My head finally quit bleeding so I took a dip in the stream to wash away the dried blood and the cold water helped to take the pain away. Part of my ear was missing but nothing else seemed to be the matter with me. One good thing came out of this, I learned my first lesson and I learned it well.

The next day I crept back down stream where I'd seen the men, they were gone but they left lots of food in a great big can so I ate what I could and buried the rest for another time. Somehow I knew that I was all alone and I'd have to learn to survive all on my own.

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and each day I learned something new to keep me safe and healthy. You might say someone was watching over me because all things came kind of naturally. It wasn't such a bad life I was even starting to enjoy being free. I learned how to hunt for my food, find safe comfortable shelter and I even made friends with other four legged creatures like me. Well, they were almost like me.

Joe Dingus spent two years living as a wild animal. During this time he had many exciting and heroic experiences, each one could make an interesting short story. He became a master at survival and his unusual foresight and superior intellect made him a very special canine. Many times Joe was cruelly mistreated by his so called two legged superiors, hunters and campers who somehow found pleasure in animal abuse. No matter how badly Joe was treated he never lost the ability to show love and compassion to all living things. His temperament was always mild and congenial unless it was a fight for survival for either he or his friends.

Joe Dingus was almost three years old when his life made another incredible change. A change that brought him world wide recognition and brought fame to his name. Two children were swimming in Montero Bay when a hungry shark spotted them and was well on his way to dinner. Joe Dingus was on a cliff way above them when he spotted the shark making his attack. His phenomenal sense warned him of tragedy and without hesitation he jumped from the cliff and managed to pull both children to safety before the shark struck. It was an unbelievable rescue and a mighty battle but somehow Joe got away with the loss of only one leg. Hundreds of people witnessed the entire event from the shore. One person, a policeman named Charley McBride, jumped in and pulled Joe Dingus out of the water. He put a tourniquet above the missing leg and saved Joe Dinguses life.

There was an immediate bond between Charley McBride and Joe Dingus. Charley nursed Joe back to health and worked with him until he was almost as good on three legs as he'd been on four. The love between them grew and soon they were inseparable companions

Charley was a narcotics detective for the U.S. Customs and Border Protection Department. Realizing what a remarkable dog Joe Dingus was he decided to make him a narcotics detector and demo dog. Joe Dingus was a quick learner and soon he was able to detect explosives, chemicals, currency, people and drugs. He was also Charley McBride's demo to educate the public on the danger of drugs.

Charley McBride and Crazy Joe Dingus as a team were committed to doing everything possible to stop the flow of illegal drugs and associated crimes. Their efforts alone were responsible for more then 1500 arrests of drug traffickers and dealers. As a dynamic duo they were dedicated to bring down the leaders of crime syndicates and bring justice whatever lengths it took.

Over the next five years Crazy Joe Dingus recovered over 25 million dollars worth of illegal drugs. He was awarded recognition in the Humane Societies Canine Heros Walk of Fame.

Not only had they become experts in the detection of narcotics but the dynamic duo stopped thefts of millions in currency and gold bullion from the U.S. mint at the Federal Depository in San Francisco.

A once discarded puppy whose breeders decided wasn't worth saving had survived all the obstacles put in his path and become a National Hero. He never gave up and he did things his way.

Thank You I really enjoyed writing this story.



It's not vanity its egomania.
That Damn Mirror Has To Go

Oh mirror...mirror, on my hall wall.
When I look at you make me feel tall.
Take away all the wrinkles I see.
And everything else that is wrong with me.

Mirror...mirror if you don't want to go.
Give me that look that will make me glow.
Please take away that double chin.
And put some color in that graying skin.

If you don't want me to take an ax to you.
Then please do the things I ask you to do.
Am I asking to much to look young again?
If I am, it's in the trash can for you my friend.

Tell me why it is when I look at you
You have to make me feel like an old shoe
I'm warning you mirror you're coming down soon.
If you keep making me feel like an old Baboon.

You're not the mirror from the fairy tell rhymes.
There's no magic in you that will ring my chimes.
Your just a big piece of glass on my hall wall.
With one function, to cover the hole, That's All


When My Gracious God created My Mother,
He chose the flower of Mother Love
Planted the seeds in his special Garden
Watered them with tender rain drops
Nurtured them with sunshine and care,
Then Watched them grow sturdy and strong,
Like no other flower in his garden of love

When they were in full bloom and glory.

He picked them and made a gorgeous bouquet
He touched them with a loving forgiving heart ,
Then kissed them with lips of understanding.
Then gave them the precious gift of motherly love.

This is my gift to you my child he whispered

That grandest flower of all in my garden of love.
The beautiful and enchanting Forget-Me-Not.


When writing a poem of passion pretend that you're writing a love letter.

You will have what I call an

Emotion Explosion.



Only in my dreams can I enjoy the magic of your charms.

Because when I dream you're right there in my arms

Only in my dreams can I enjoy the magic of your kiss

Because when I dream you belong to one and only me

So when I dream, I dream of you the whole night through

I dream of you, of doing all the things you want me to.

You are mine and I am yours but it is just a fantasy.

It's only in my dreams and it's only bliss for me.


I love to write poems because in a poem there are no limitations, no rules and no restraints.


I feel like writing another poem today.
But dam it I've run out of things to say.
I could tell you about what I did last night.
But I don't want you to lose your appetite.

Now let's see if I can find a place to begin.
We could talk about love or the wages of sin.
I could go way back in my vast memories.
Or maybe I can tell you some real mysteries.

As I sit here in front of my computer keyboard.
I better find something to write or your gonna get bored.
What can I write that will really make sense.
Should I write something to keep you in suspense.

I'd sure like to write something that is really neat.
And make it something that you would repeat.
Shit I can't think of anything to say.
So I guess I won't write nothing today.



I want you to know that I'm a very agreeable guy.

There's not many things in this world I don't buy.

One of the things that really turns me loose.

Is to hear someone making a flip flop excuse.

Excuses come from the weak who don't take responsibility.

An excuse to me just makes me mad and causes hostility.

So right now let me put it right up in front.

And the only way I know how is to be blunt.

If you lie to me about something you do.

You can bet your life I'll never trust you.

Now that's all that Big Daddy has to say.

So good luck and God Bless and have a good day


A poem should be read several times in order to "hear" it and feel its emotions.

The more you read it , the more you can understand its meaning.


My Destiny

In the twilight when day is done I like to think I've just begun.

If I've accomplished all that's right, then I'll enjoy a peaceful night.

If all's complete I've past the test then I'll go on to meet the rest.

For way down inside of me I'll know I've done what's asked of me.

The day has just become history and I know I've made my mark to see.

When all is said and all is done I'll know this day that I have won.

Tomorrow is now in sight and with Gods help I'll make it right.

I'll help someone who is in need and that will make my day indeed.

I'll show my love to everyone and that is how I'll find my fun.

I'll find success in what's right and that will please my appetite.

Knowledge and wisdom will be mine, I know these things will come in time.

For what gets done is up to me and that fulfills my destiny.


You might say religion is not my cup of tea.

Yet I know there's a master, there just has to be.

You can depend on the mornings, the sun and it's rays.

And all of the magical mysteries that fill in our days.

Just look around you and beware of all that you see.

There's a master behind it.

Take a look at rainbows, the flowers, and the magnificent trees.

Hear the songs of the insects, the birds and the whistling breeze.

And as the sun sets see the twilight colors that blend in the sky.

There's no need to wonder, there's no need to ask you why.

All the wonders and glories that are there for you to see.

Because there's a master at work.

There just has to be.


Poetry doesn't have to be challenging, but it does have to explore

the nature and geography of the human condition.


I Love To Write

I love to write poetry, songs and short stories.

I don't do it for the riches nor fame nor the glories.

I write what I write that's deep down inside of me.

And what I write I write for the whole world to see.

I like to write about love life and serenity.

And just about any thing that gets into me.

I'll combine the truth with the fiction

I don't always use proper diction.

There's a story a song or a poem in every nook.

Someday I'll put all of mine in a book.

I like to write what I write in my leisure time.

Sometimes what I write will surprise me and rhyme.

I don't use long words and I'll tell you why.

I want everyone to understand the things I imply.

Most all that I write can be read by the whole family.

But beware I've been known to write adult fantasy.

I once wrote a story about a bad man turned good.

And I've written stories about the mysteries in my neighborhood.

I really like to write about my four legged friends.

And I can keep you in suspense until a love story ends.

If you like what I write... that will please me.

If you don't, don't lie and try to appease me.

You see I write what I write because I love to.

When I write what I write that's what I do.


Poetry is a form of art, therefore it must do what all art does.

Represent something of the world, express emotion, please us by its form, and stand on its own.



Don't ever let it get you down and never say give up.
Not everything is fair an just and some things are corrupt.
Traveling down the road of life can at times get mighty tough.
But it's up to you to see things through and face it when it's rough.

Have you ever wondered why complexities always follow you.
You must be honest and ask yourself is it something that you do.
Life is what you make of it and good and bad is caused by you..
Never put the blame on someone else for the trials you go through.

Be glad you're capable of handling the challenges in your life.
Face the day with truth and courage and you'll handle stress and strife,
You can't always take the detour that goes around lives tragedies.
So fix each problem as it finds you then you can travel where you please.


By using the right words you can accomplish most anything.


My Choice of Words

The right words used the right way

Could possibly save a life today.

By the same token words can leave a life broken

In the way that they're written or spoken.

Handle all powerful words with great care.

The very same words bring happiness or despair.

These are just a few words I use everyday.

I use these words to give meaning to what I say.

Love, compassion, understanding and care.

Peace, motivation, comfort, joy and prayer.

Smile, laughter, happiness and serenity.

I try my very best not to use profanity.

I use words that are simple and easy to say.

I try to make each word an impression in some way.

Sometimes without thinking I say the wrong thing.

My heart knows right away the hurt it will bring.

On this keyboard I type words for everyone to read.

I hope to give them meaning and some pleasure indeed.

I try to be careful in all that I say in my rhymes.

I want to touch your heart, activate and motivate your minds.

Songs, short stories, and poetry are my hobby you see.

They're not the best but they come from the heart of me

If I can paint a picture that you can plainly see.

Then I've made all my words go to work for me

If the words that I use are truly what you'd like to hear.

And if they bring you comfort make you laugh and give cheer.

Then behind my keyboard you'll find a man who is really content.

And I'll know that my careful choice of words was well spent.


I think I've become a real computer freak.

I sit at my keyboard and use my fingers to speak.

I browse the Internet looking for things to do.

I go to my email and write messages to view.

I spend time on my sites where I design and redo.

I make animation that will be funny and pleasing to you.

When errors pop up and wipe out everything.

People for miles around can hear me yell and scream.

I've got a Print Shop Deluxe that I use to excess.

And Word Perfect 10 has been put through a test.

Net Scape, Front Page and Macromedia are used and abused.

I keep MSN and Net World completely confused.

All my finances are kept track of on Quicken Premier.

I do taxes on Turbo Deluxe at the end of the year.

If I want to rest and relax I visit my favorite sites.

Believe it or not that's how I spend most of my nights



Past Recollections

Jan. 2, 1936...It’s a quarter past two in the morning and I’m struggling for my first breath. My mommy is screaming with pain. She hollers at my daddy, “I’m gonna kill you for making me go through this, you son of a bitch.” Then she starts crying... during this whole ordeal I almost got hung swinging back and forth on the umbilical cord. After I was freed from the hanging cord the nurse slapped me silly. That’s about all I can remember about the day I was pulled out of my mommies womb. Accept I heard mommy apologize to daddy for calling him a son of a bitch.
Feb. 14, 1944...I remember this day just like it was yesterday. Imagine this if you can; my pet goat and I burnt the old Sugar House Jail down and about 20 acres of weeds. Sure enough it was a multi-alarm fire and a blazing show for a whole bunch of our neighbors. As I recall this is how it happened; I tied the old goat to my little red wagon which by chance had a bale of hay in it then I set fire to the hay and old nanny took off running over the lawns and cross the fields to the deserted old jail house. I probably could have got away with it accept that old fool goat come back home with the evidence. Instead of being punished, I should have got a metal, you see the broken down jailhouse was an eye sore and I kept all those nasty weeds from spreading. Sounds like fiction, but it’s the truth and all it cost the community was a slice of humble pie. Congratulate me; my actions caused the main event on Valentine’s Day.
Jan. 15, 1947...This day was not as exciting as that day in 1944 but it’s a day my little brother and I set a record and our picture hit the front page of the newspaper. The picture alone was worth the price of the paper. I can’t explain how this happened but it happened and that’s a fact, you can find it in Ripley’s Believe it or Not. My brother and I passed childhood diseases back and forth until we both had nine diseases all at the same time. Let see, there was measles, whooping cough, chicken pox, mumps and, oh hell, I can’t remember all of them but we had em all. Now that’s some kind of record.
June 4, 1950...Talk about terror and total panic, before I do, let me ask you a question. What would you do if you thought you had killed a person? While you ponder away on that, I’ll tell you the story.
I was what most people would call I wild 14 year old who, by the way, thought he knew everything. I ran around with a wild bunch of kids that all fit that description. We all smoked, drank beer and loved to party. Oh yes, and we loved to play hooky. Drugs hadn’t hit the scene yet, so they weren’t a problem unless, of course, you call beer a drug.
Anyway, we all hung out with our own little groups, not malicious gangs like we have today, we were just a bunch of kids who looked for fun and like to bend the rules a little. However there was a rivalry between the groups in the different schools, for instance, we were in East High and we hated the kids in West High and vice versa. I’m starting to get this long and drawn out so let me get to the point.
Lucky Perkins a 15 year old was the leader of one of the West High Groups. He and I had, had several verbal altercations and we hated each other with a passion. Let me set the scene at the place where this whole extravaganza took place. The Morrison Meat Pie company had a lunch room especially for students located in the back of their establishment right across the street from East High. They were from the old school and they didn’t care if we smoked. Their meat pies and chili were cheap and they were the best on the planet earth, so my group made it their official hangout. It so happens that on this sun shiny day in June the west high group decided to give us a visit. All hell broke out when they entered our lunch room. Lucky was looking for me and I wasn’t about to back down in front of my friends. He shoved me up against the wall, I pushed back and he fell over one of the benches hitting his head on the iron stool. His eyes rolled back in his head and his tongue hung out one side of his mouth. Somebody screamed, “God damn it Billy you killed him, let’s get the hell out of here.” I hid under my grandmother’s front porch for three days, scared as all hell. I knew for sure I was going to spend the rest of my life in prison. Well, as it turned out I only knocked Lucky out and when he regained consciousness he was okay.
June 12, 1952...The reflections I’ve written down are not made up they are the product of my recollections. This next story you’re defiantly going to find hard to believe but believe it, it’s true. Lady Dyer was the boy’s counselor at East High she was actually a historical part of the institution. In other words she was one of the founding fathers or mothers whichever the case may be. On this day in June of 1952 she caught a whole bunch of us smoking, out in back of the Dairy Queen alongside the high school. She literally dragged us by our ears to her office and set us down on one of those cold hardwood benches. However we guys were the tough ones and we had our reputation to think about. This is not something that was planned it happened on the spur of the moment. One of my friends had a toy squirt gun that looked like the Real McCoy. He pulled it out and pointed it at Old Lady Dyer and in a harsh tough voice he told her to shut up and sit down, then we all joined the game. There was a roll of duct tape on Dyers desk so we duck taped her hands and feet to her chair and put duct tape over her mouth. Then we all lit up smokes, hooped and hollered and danced around her chair blowing smoke rings in her face.
Needless to say I was kicked out of school and the next 90 days I was a guest in the Grey Bar Hotel.
July 9, 1952... I joined the Peace Keeping Forces with a friend of mine, Bill Eager. I was only 16 so I had to lie about my age but my false ID was pretty convincing and Bill who was old enough vouched for me got me in without a question..
Aug 11, 1953...Bill and I were both students of martial arts so right away we were transferred to the Green Beret as martial arts instructors. In case you don’t know the Green Beret is it’s a distinct unit of the Special Operational Forces, men and women trained to accomplish the virtual impossible. Aug11, 1953 is the date the Green Beret was sent behind enemy lines to rescue 18 American officers; Major Mike Mitchell was one of them. It was my pleasure to lead this mission and everything went as smooth as Swiss Clockwork, and I’m proud to say I was honored with the medal of valor for conduct above and beyond the call duty, behind enemy lines. If that sounds like I’m bragging, well I am, I’m proud to be an American and I want everybody to know it. I also have a chest full of ribbons that I’ve framed and hung on a wall in my living room for all my friends to see.
Dec 15, 1953...This was the day I applied for a hardship leave of absence. Early in the morning I got a call informing me that my grandmother had, had a stroke and wasn’t expected to live. She was the bonding agent that kept our family together, without her I’m sure that we would have drifted apart. She was the one person in my life that gave me unconditional love and I worship the ground she walked on. I know that she’d want be by her side in her last remaining hours so that was the most important reason I wanted to go home but It wasn’t the only reason. It was my mother that called me with the news about grandma but she also told me that dad had been injured in a fall and wouldn’t be able to work for at least six months. She impressed upon me how much I was needed at home at this present time. So I asked my commanding officer for a 6 month leave of absence. He granted the leave immediately and even arranged for a hop home on an Air Force 707.
Dec 17, 1953...My flight landed at Hill AFB in Utah just before midnight on the 17th. My home was in SLC, Utah which is about 35 miles from Hill. Normally there is no transportation at this late hour but as luck would have it I met a master sergeant that said he'd take me to Salt Lake and drop me off at my destination. I decided that my destination would be the LDS Hospital where my grandmother was.
Dec 18, 1953...When my grandmother woke up in the morning I was sitting beside her holding her hand.


I was born behind a neighborhood bar on the south side of Chicago. I come from a family of eight little kittens Believe it or not I was born with four ear flaps instead of two.

October 31 > It was Friday night and they were having a Halloween Party at the neighborhood bar where I was born. The fun lovers were passing me around the bar astonished because I had four ear’s instead of two. Somebody at the bar started the rumor that I was a witch cat with extraordinary powers. Only a human would believe such nonsense and there were plenty believers at the party. The owner of the bar put a sign up behind the bar stating; “Witch Cat for Sale Only $50, Extraordinary Powers” Humans are superstitious so nobody at the party wanted to buy me.
November 1 > The next morning, Ted and Valerie Rock, a couple who had just lost their cat of twenty years heard about the for sale sign posted by the bartender, out of curiosity they stopped by the bar to take a look. They didn’t believe the nonsense about witches and much to my surprise they fell madly in love with me. I didn’t know it then but my destiny was being mapped out for me. The Rocks bought me and took me to my new home.
November 2 > Once I got at the Rocks’ home, their son Billy came up with a name inspired by the movie, Star Wars, “Yoda” it seemed to fit perfectly. So now I had a home, a name and a family of three humans that loved me. Who could ask for anything more?
November 3 > The Rocks decided that for my on safety I should be kept inside to deter curious onlookers and to prevent someone from trying catnap me.
November 4 > News gets around fast and it wasn’t long before reporters from all the local and national newspapers were hounding the Rocks for a story about the witch cat. The bothersome reporters with their camera men just wouldn’t give up so Ted told his family it was time to move to the country and start a new life. He said; we’ll do it in such a way that nobody will know who we are or where we are.
November 5 > Ted would talk to me when no one else was around.He told me that I should be called wonder cat. He said I was special and had the power to hear things way beyond the hearing of others. I really love Ted, we bonded at first sight.
November 6 > Today I have an appointment with a veterinarian, a close friend of Teds, that won’t let on where we live. The vet was astounded; he said I was a first, that he’d never seen anything like me. He couldn't get over how my ears separate at the base of my skull one in front of the other. His curiosity got the best of him and he had to check on the internet to see if there were other four eared animals. He found a cat named Lilly born in Germany with four ears and a cat in Russia that had seven ears. He also found a rabbit with four ears and horns. Meow, I'm glad I don't have horns.
November 7 > Billy put a picture of Yoda the Star Wars character right above my bed. He laughed and said; “Yoda you look just like him” I purred and thought “you got to be kidding”.

Post Script by Writer BDC
Apparently Yoda is quite a common name in the Kingdom of animals. Awhile back a friend of mine, a retired secretary and part-time teacher from Singapore, Tan Rita, wrote a story about a cat named Fluffy, one of Fluff’s friends was a dog named Yoda. It was Rita that told me about the four eared cat named Yoda from Chicago, the cat that’s writing this diary. When I put this diary to print a family in Capron, Illinois read it and wrote me about their two kittens with four ears, oddly enough one of them was named Yoda. This Yoda’s littermate was named Ted and he turned out to be an exhibitionist in their hometown circus. So now we’ve got two Yoda felines with four ears, one who lives in the Chicago suburbs with the Rock family and the other who lives with the Pearson’s on a farm in Capron. Being born with four ears I would assume is better than being born with no ears. There is a cat in my home state named Yoda No Ears, she has indentions where the ears should be and her owners claim that she hears just fine at least she comes when she’s called to dinner. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.


Depression makes me feel pain, low, mad and sad.

When depressed I am lonely and miss all I once had,

And I feel sick and worthless and just want to cry.

I am so emotionally down if only I would die.

But death is no answer so please help me Lord.

Give me the strength of the all mightiest sword

Please cleanse my mind and brighten my sole.

Put me back on the track let me follow my goal.


The tears I shed today,
Will never go away,
Reminding me of her pain.
Her struggle was not in vain.

I see the shadow in the distance,
As she leaves this earthly existence.
Cascading tears from caring eyes,
Leaving stains forever surmised.

She left her mark for all to see
Her love for the needy no mystery.
A life not always narrow and straight.
Now she waits at heavens gait.

Tears I shed today as I remember
Her grace as a slow burning ember.
She’ll be with her God forever and always.
All pain gone she’ll have comfort and ease.

So let the tears I shed today,
Leave a mark in molded clay.
For God has not forsaken,
The daughter he has taken.


I hate goodbye
But if I were to say goodbye
I’d go to the top of the mountain
Where echoes can be heard.
My goodbye would ricochet
Off the cliffs and through the canyons
Over the lakes and rivers
Clear to the vast waters of the sea.
I’d make my goodbye plain and simple.
And let it be a creation of beauty.
I’d say goodbye to the world
The only way I know how
With well-chosen words
That would be unforgettable
And forever indelible.
Words with power and magnitude.
My goodbye would be a eulogy.
A thanks for time well spent.
A thanks for loving
And for being loved.
For letting me be me
Successful and free.
And you would hear it echo,
Through the annuls of time
And the vastness of eternity.
Goodbye, remember me,
As a writer and poet.
And as the one,
Who did things,
His way.


224 A cool walk on a warm summer night,
The flight of an eagle almost out of sight.
Twinkling stars and a crescent moon.
Leaving silhouettes on the blue lagoon.
My footsteps imprinted in the colored sands
Remembering the touch of her loving hands.
A light shining down from the heavens above.
The image in the clouds of the one I love
It is wonderful to see her lovely face
And the halo framing her with grace.
If only I could take her in my arms
And invision all her lovely charms.
I’d even take walks when the weather is bad.
If I could relive in dreams the life I once had.
If only I could turn back the pages in time.
When I was hers and she was mine.
It is nice to know when I take walks at night.
I’ll never walk alone, she'll forever be at my side.



My loneliness is overwhelming

Now I realize I no longer have you.

You were there when I needed a shoulder to cry on.

Without our togetherness I feel lonely and blue.

We were a part of something bigger.

Made all our decisions together.

Now when I feel bad there is no one to lean on.

How can I plan a future living without you?


I was looking for the words to a song

Where we could make it if we tried

The words don’t come easy

Yet in my heart I’ll find them

Where we can make it if we try

But maybe there are no words

There is still hope in overwhelming hopelessness.

Too long I’ve been denying

That is why I sit here crying

If only time would turn around

The words I lost might be found

And we could make it if we tried

But maybe there are no words


Being alone has bitter tears.

A heavy heart full of fears.

Should I feel anger because I am losing you?

All my dreams are shattered and my heart is broken.

You were the spice in my life.

You kept the spark of love shining.

Now I am losing you and the fire has gone out.

Why oh why did the flames wither and die


Too long I’ve been denying

That is why I sit here crying

If only time would turn around

The words I lost might be found

And we could make it if we tried

But maybe there are no words

Final verse

As I sit here all alone in my solitude,

I see your blue eyes and the smile on your face.

Life no longer has its glory you are the end of my story.

Losing you was the saddest day of my life and it makes me want to cry


Collect your days and save them in a diary, that way you'll have them when you write your memoirs. Most the writers I know have a diary, a journal, or a log. Writing about themselves is as much a part of their life as the poems and stories they enlighten us with. When a writer comes across a lost and forgotten daily collection of thoughts from an unknown source it lights a fire under their imagination and magic words begin to flow. Like the foam on a raging river new stories and poems are formed.
July 9- My first entry, two days after my father’s death. Dad told me on his death bed that a wise man keeps a journal. He said it would be a record I could use if I ever wrote my memoirs. I always intended to write things down but I never got around to it, so I've decided to honor my daddy's request and give it a try.
July 10- I’m 21 years old and I’ve worked for my father since I was old enough to pitch a bale of hay. We lived a good life on a small farm between Helper and Price, Utah. My dad was a hard working, honest man who worked 18 hours a day to provide for his family. Dad bought our 60 acre farm just as our country was making a comeback from the big depression of the early 30’s. Through hard work and sweat he managed to survive the devastating effects of the economic disaster that virtually hit everyone, rich or poor. My dad’s greatest desire was financial freedom, not so much for himself, but for all of his family. He worked himself to death trying to make this dream come true. Unfortunately before he died he made several bad investments losing everything he worked a lifetime for, the real cause of his death was a broken heart.
July 12- Today is dad’s funeral and I’m preparing a eulogy to give in front of the family and friends. I loved my dad with all my heart and I want to pay tribute in the best way I can but I’m having trouble finding the right words. He gave so much love to all of us but his intentions, though honorable, will be buried with him.
As I spoke at the funeral the tears filled my bloodshot eyes and I got all choked up and couldn’t finish the eulogy. I was so emotionally upset that I had to be helped from the pulpit. I’d been in a blue haze but the fog was lifting and I could see this was all real. I was crying for the first time and I couldn’t get the tears to stop. My dad was really gone.
July 13- I can’t believe the lack of compassion the money mongers of this world have. While the funeral was in session the bank was auctioning off all of dads lifelong possessions, he must be crying in his grave.
July 20- A week has gone by and I’m helping mom and my sister settle in their new apartment near Helper. Helper is a small coal miner’s town. The apartment is small, but it’s adequate, at least it’s a roof over their heads. As for myself, I’ve been staying in the back room at the place where I work.
July 21- Sis is fixing a pot roast as a welcome home dinner. She’s invited her boy friend Richard and the four of us will have somewhat of a party. It will be a while before we’ll all be together again, because I have been accepted on a scholarship at the U of U, in Salt Lake City.
July 24- I got up early this morning because today is a statewide Holiday in Utah. It’s the day we commemorate the arrival of the Mormon pioneers in 1847. It’s a family tradition to go to the sunrise services on Easter and The Days of 47. Mom and sis are here to go to the services with me and afterwards the parade and the evening fireworks. As far as I know the 24th is only celebrated in Utah.
July 29- It is hard to write in my journal every day, most of my time is spent studying. I enjoy reading a lot, So I’m looking for literary scholarships or writing scholarships located here in Salt Lake City. The scholarship I have just barely covers my tuition so I have to work part time jobs in order to get by. Working part time cuts into my study time so I’m having a real hard time. My grades are not as good as they should be or could be.
August 2- The ladies in the Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority gave a wild party last night and invited male students outside of fraternities. At first I turned down the invitation but my roommate insisted I go, he said I was working too hard and I needed a female for rest and relaxation. That’s what he said, but it’s not what he meant. The girls I met were too damn crazy so I didn’t get that kind of R & R. Anyway I drank too much and I got one hell of a hangover.
August 7- I’m really having a hard time in my crucial classes, if I don’t start retaining what is taught I’m going to fail math and biology. It’s not that I’m dumb (maybe it is) I just can’t get things to sink in, using repetition just isn’t working. Jason, my roommate, gave me some uppers; he said they’d work like a charm. He said take one before you dive into your home work and you’ll be surprised how quickly you’ll learn.
August 16 - Wow! The pills Jason gave me really work but I have had to double and triple the dosage. I’ve gone from a failing grade to straight A’s. The only problem is, I stay alert all the time, I’m way to hyper to sleep.
August 19- Today, I met the most gorgeous gal on campus, her name is Tammy and she’s got the most beautiful flaming red hair. When she smiles she creates an emotional explosion inside my heart. I asked her if she’d like to go dancing, she said yes, now I’m one happy guy. I think I’m in love!
August 28- Is it normal to want to be liked by all my peers? What good is success if you don’t have friends to share it with? If I really want to be in their clicks then I have to go to their parties. There is a party almost every night, there goes my study time. Damn it I just got my grades up where they should be...
September 26- I’ve been burning the candle from both ends and it’s beginning to take its toll. My grades are going down again and I’m starting to look like shit warmed over. Jason gave me some downers and they worked for a couple days but now I’m on the outside looking in. I’ve got to change my ways soon or I’ll lose everything.
October 26- Last night I got drunk and today my nerves are shattered. I’m sitting in a local bar trying to drink my troubles away. To hell with school, I just don’t care anymore...
Nov 1- I fell into a trap of the abusive nature. I forgot all of the morals learned in my childhood. Now I’ve hit the bottom, the only ways up. I need help and the only one that can help me is God. I forsook him, I hope he will listen.
Nov 3- I’m back in the class room to seriously face up to the terms of my scholarship. I swear to God I’m not going to lose it. I slipped but now I’m back to stand tall. If for nothing else I’ve learned a great lesson.
Nov 5- Tammy left me a message; after all I’ve done she still wants to see me. Gee it would be nice if we could start over again.
Nov 7- It has been five months since dad left us; I remember all the father/ son talks we use to have. Dad always had the answers whenever I needed guidance. God I miss him, I’d like to put my arms around him and give him a big hug.
Nov 8- Today is half term exams, I spent all last night cramming. This morning I asked God to help me. I’m sure he has forgiven me for all the screw ups I’m made since daddy died. Dad will be up there watching when I take my tests.
Hey Dad, I’m gonna make you proud!
Nov 18- I have been putting my whole heart and soul into my studies. I’m obsessed in making my grade average way above average. I have to make myself worthy to carry on my dad’s name. Dad died in vain trying to give me, mom, and sis all the good things the world has to offer. I want to walk in his shoes and make all his earthly dreams come true. If it’s going to happen it is all up to me.
Nov 20- I don’t know why but lately when I write in my journal most of my thoughts are of my dad. I keep reminiscing about the happy times he made possible, our hunting and fishing trips and the times we’d talk man to man, father and son. My dad was a self educated man and he survived on brawn not brain yet in many ways he was the smartest man I’ve ever known.
Nov 21- Tammy and I are going steady and someday I’ll make her my wife. When God made her, he made her especially for me. She makes me whole and gives me the strength I need to carry on besides all that she makes me extremely happy. Today’s her birthday and I going to do my best to make it a day she’ll never forget.
Nov 22- Today is the fourth Thursday in November, Thanksgiving Day. Tam and I are cooking a special dinner for mom, sis and several of our closest friends. I get to cook the turkey, dressing and mash potatoes and gravy. Tam will bake the rolls and pies and together will put on a gourmet feast fit for a king. I love cooking and it makes me happy when my guests love what I cook.
Nov 26- Today starts the fourth quarter of the school year. I’ve got a brand new course I’m taking called Article Writing. A friend of mine makes a good living writing articles so I thought I might try it part time I could really use the extra money. I haven’t chosen my major yet but I have been thinking about literature or something related to literature. Anyway I’ve got this quarter to think about it.
Nov 27- About a year ago I started playing online poker and I got hooked almost immediately. I found out that my instinct to spot bluffers was really good. The different kinds of poker games fascinate me so at one time or another I’ve learned how to play them all. I’m a natural, I know when to bet, I know when to bluff and I know when to fold. Because of my natural ability I win more times then I lose. I like to get into the tournaments the challenge excites me and the possibilities are limitless. I usually get into a game on Tuesdays or Fridays, that is; if I don’t have a date with Tam or have to cram for an exam. I’m in a tournament now and tonight I have a chance to advance to the final table.
Nov 30- Last Tuesday night I made it to the final table in the poker tournament; everybody wins at the final table. I came in third and the prize money was $1100, not bad for three hours of enjoyable work. I’ll spend my winnings on a diamond engagement ring I’ve got on lay-a-way for Tammy. Only $2200 more it it will be all hers.